i can’t see a difference, can you see a difference?

I went to Timmy’s to get a coffee this morning, and needed something to tide me over until brunch. There are signs all over for their yogurt and berries, so I got one. I love berries, and I like yogurt, and I thought the odds of anyone being able to fuck that combo up were pretty slim.

Slim they may be, but the company that packages this shiite came through with flying colours today in the “we can fuck something simple up, just watch us” category. In the pic above, the inset is how the ads and the corporate website portray their breakfast snack. Can you see a difference? I can’t see a difference. Apparently, neither could anyone at Tim Horton’s.

The yogurt was a sickly-sweet vanilla, and the one word I can think of to use for the “berries” was “glop”. As you can see, the “berries” look kind of like someone took a mouse, turned it inside out, and dropped it into a cup of fluff. This glop has no texture, and a vague raspberry taste combined with a very strong freezer burn taste. Yum! The “blueberries” were like chewing on tripe – they were dried out husks with a distinct leathery texture (think unsweetened, stale raisins). Nasty, nasty, nasty.

Without a doubt, the vilest thing I have ever had the misfortune of ordering from Timmy’s, and a mistake I will not make again.

11 thoughts on “i can’t see a difference, can you see a difference?

  1. I just snorted at the “mouse turned inside out” description…I got one of those once (the Tim Horton’s berry thing, not a mouse turned inside out) and that’s just about the perfect description. Ewwwwwww!

  2. What was the name of the device that would turn a mouse into a soup-like homogenate in 10 seconds? I worked beside a company that was one letter off of it… [beats own brain…]

    Interestingly, Timmy’s is actually one of the few fastfoods companies that has vegan options: the scones. (maybe not all, so double check!) Whether they resemble the advertisements or not, I couldn’t tell ya.

  3. i still don’t understand how come timmy’s is so popular.

    bad(ish) food. bad service. ALWAYS BUSY.

  4. Man, there’s even a product website for it. Lovely reds and greens… so… Christmassy.

    Pri: Timmy’s is fine in airports, and in this case their best feature (at 6am) was that they were open. While they’re always busy, they’re also usually pretty damn quick, unless you’re in the drive-thru.

  5. I have to admit Kev, that when I saw commercials for the product, it looked pretty damn delicious. (Canadian feeds for hockey..)

    But here’s a prime example of why food stylists make a living, though I guess one woudln’t need one if one truly has fresh berries. The yogurt on the other hand, may not be yogurt at all.

    Priior, feel free to make a dirty joke there.

  6. I *heard* from some forgotten and likely unreliable source that Timmy’s coffee has nicotine in it. Could that account for the observations above?

    I have independently observed that the people of my acquaintance who are the most enamoured of Tim’s coffee are also long time cigarette smokers.

  7. they must use the polytron to grind their coffee with nicotine and occasional mouse.

    ftw \o/

  8. I remember seeing a bit on tv refuting the nicotine bit. Timmy’s claims it’s the brewing process, which purpotedly uses hotter water than most drip coffees (and that you can achieve at home if you buy their $130 maker). Other folks have a variety of theories – me, I like the one that says their cream is 35% fat. How many people ordering Timmy’s do you know who order it black? Me, not many.

  9. Ex-salon-dwellers agree.

    “When it comes to the Polytron, it’s all about the foam reducing generators… because foamy mouse homogenate just doesn’t go down the same way.”

    Didn’t we have a polytron.ingenia.com?

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