it’s the little things

Some days the smallest thing will set you off. I was going through IMDB‘s bottom 100, and came across a movie my mom loved. I won’t say which, it’s not important. It did, however, carry all the pain this time of year (for me) brings right up to the surface. A movie title shouldn’t be that depressing, but sometimes it is. *sigh*

At times I wish this kind of total recall would go away, because it hurts an awful lot. But then, I worry that I’ll forget everything she was, so maybe it’s good to have a reminder like this once in a while. It still catches me by surprise, as all the massive things that smack you in the face every day never have this kind of impact, but a tiny little detail can dredge a memory from the corner of your brain and hit you with the force of a nuke.

My brain shouldn’t hurt this much, nor should my heart, but-at this time of year-it does. It’s times like these I really hate the season.

I miss ya, mom.