Leaves are falling all around,
It’s time I was on my way.
Thanks to you, I’m much obliged
For such a pleasant stay.
But now it’s time for me to go,
The autumn moon lights my way.
For now I smell the rain,
And with it pain,
And it’s headed my way.
Ah, sometimes I grow so tired,
But I know I’ve got one thing I got to do,
And now’s the time, the time is now…
– Ramble On, Led Zeppelin
So. I was driving to drop off some stuff I borrowed from a friend a month ago, and this song came on. It’s always been one of my faves from Led Zeppelin, but I’ve never really listened to it.
Today, for some reason, I did.
It’s been five years since I moved from NYC. I wish I never had, and it’s something I’ve never been able to get over for some reason. I’ve been hanging on for years about what could have been, and have been ignoring or pretending that what is now isn’t. So I’ve been pretty miserable. Sound familiar? I think it does, as I’ve written a similar vein of post several times in the last year or so?
So what’s different?
Since returning from Vancouver I’ve been in a fair bit of pain. It dates back to an ulty injury from over two years ago, and I finally got it looked at last week. The remedy has been excruciating. Short story – sciatic nerve bound up in scar tissue now released; said nerve cluster is informing nervous system that it is alive, well, and tired of being ignored for the past two years. In fact, said nerve cluster seems to have found a pair of maracas and a jug of tequila, and is having a party like those asshole neighbours who don’t know they should be in bed at 10pm on Saturday, not yelling and screaming and keeping me up! That’s a really long way of saying “Holy mother of god, it fucking hurts!” It also means standing or sitting or anything other than constant motion has been an excercise in agony, and I’ve been averaging an hour of sleep a night since last Wednesday.
Right. So where am I going with this, anyways? I haven’t been able to partake in any of the usual distractions – reading, TV, WoW, or anything else that lets me focus on something other than me. I’ve been stuck with me, myself, and I. So I’ve thought a lot, and I know what I want. I won’t get into that right now, but knowing is a huge change from just a week ago.
I’ll be moving in the direction I want to go by the end of the year. I know what I want to do, and I think I’ll even enjoy it. That’s been sorely missing for a. very. long. time.
More info as things straighten out – including my back. I’ve returned, and I feel like writing, working, commenting, and heckling again. Watch this space, more to come. Whether it’ll be interesting or not to you I’m not as concerned about, because it’s all about me :D